4 Communication Traps That Are Holding You Back
Have you ever thought...
My boss doesn't seem to notice or appreciate my work.
If I do a good job my work will speak for itself.
I don't want to ask for help because I'll look like I don't know what I'm doing.
How come they got that promotion over me? I didn't even know they were looking for someone.
Just looking at these makes me cringe thinking of the times in my career that these thoughts have run through my mind. I wish I could say that when I had these thoughts I adjusted my behavior. Instead I got frustrated, angry, or worst of all, I doubted myself.
Turns out the root problem was a singular skill opportunity...communication.
I have taken my personal experience along with what I have observed in the last ten years through conversations with direct reports, women in my organization, mentees, and colleagues to create 4 common communication traps I see individuals, especially women, fall into at work. I have taken into consideration the drivers behind these behaviors and offer tips to help you turn communication into one of your greatest assets.
Trap #1: Not sharing successes for fear of coming across like you are bragging OR assuming the results will speak for themselves.
Reality: When you communicate successes for yourself or your team, you help your boss. Now they have talking points to share with their boss or other higher ups. It also makes it easier for them to advocate for you when you can’t be in the room.
Tip: A good place to start is understanding what matters most to your boss and share results or positive trends relevant to their priorities
Reframe: If you are still thinking that you will come across as self-serving consider that not sharing the information is actually self-serving. You are prioritizing your fear over what would help your boss, team, or company. So really the kind thing to do is to communicate successes.
Trap #2: Everything is on schedule. I don’t want to waste my boss’ time with unnecessary updates. There is nothing to communicate and I don’t want to bother my boss with updates.
Reality: Providing regular updates on major initiatives helps keep your boss informed and gives them talking points if/when they get asked about the initiative.
Tip: You should have regular 1:1s with your boss (if not that's a whole different conversation). Use a few minutes of the 1:1 for updates. Be sure to include specific tactics, things, or people that are helping keep things on track.
Reframe: Still concerned this seems like overkill? Play role reversal. What would you want someone to do for you if the roles were reversed. Would you want to be in the dark and have to ask for information or would you prefer if someone was regularly anticipating your questions and providing answers?
Trap #3: Things are falling behind pace but I can fix it. I don't want my boss thinking I can't do my job
Reality: Communicating trouble early shows you understand your business and gives you and your boss time to make adjustments or reset expectations before things escalate.
Tip: It's critical to get out in front of challenges as you see warning signs. How you communicate this is important. When you share it with your boss it's important to include the following:
What is happening - What is the potential threat
What are you doing to course-correct things
If you're not sure how to get things on track, come to the conversation with ideas and ask your boss for their input.
Reframe: Same as trap #2.
Trap #4: I don't want to ask for help because I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing (I find this is most common when taking on something new. New job, new company, or new project)
Reality: Especially when you are new, the expectation is that you will ask questions.
Tip: No one is expecting you to be the expert so take full advantage. Especially if you are in a leadership role, asking for help is a great way to empower individuals on your team and connect with cross-functional partners. Whether you are a leader or individual contributor, make sure to seek out the people with the best information rather than those who you feel most comfortable with.
Reframe: Consider how far you could get along the wrong path, possibly to a point of no return, by not asking early on for help instead of catching a misunderstanding early.
If you want to listen to some real life examples of effective communication, listen to Reagan Attle as she shares how she has leveraged strong communication skills to advance her career.